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October 1 |
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Stupid Celebrity Tattoos-How Not to Do It |
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Many times when I see tattoos I wonder "What the hell was this person thinking?" When you see something on your body every day you want it to be good, or cool, or rad, or whatever you kids say now days. I feel its my duty to save you young kids out there from some tattooing mistakes. I'll use shitty celebrity tattoos to get my point across because its fun to point out the flaws of people who have more money than I do (just for your information that's everyone in the world except people in 3rd world countries). Take a little time to read this, maybe even take a few notes, and when you go out to get a tattoo you'll know what to do, and what not to do. After that don't forget to check out the guide to women, people who can kiss my ass, and girls who want me, they've all been updated. 1. Do NOT under ANY circumstances get your "significant other's" name tattooed on you. Its a recipe for disaster. Examples 2. No one in the universe wants to see you lame worn out tattoo on your arm, so don't show it off. Examples 3. We will just call this one "OK, whatever." Examples 4. Don't go overboard... Examples 5. These tats don't suck, some Examples of good work. Well, I hope we all learned a few things. Ass rape is bad, hot chicks with tattoos are good, and if you are still on dialup you probably should not waste the time loading those pages. |
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September 25 |
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Yard Darts! |
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Take a 12 inch plastic javelin with a 1 ½ inch metal tip and what do you get? Yard Darts! In the game of yard darts you toss a dart across your yard trying to get it into a ring that is placed on the ground. I know it sounds like a lot of fun but there’s always someone there to ruin the fun for everyone. In 1988 yard darts were recalled and banned due to some injuries and three deaths of children. You might think this sounds like a bad thing. I do not. I see yard darts as a low grade I.Q. test for your child and his friends. Kids are annoying as hell anyway, but stupid kids are supremely irritating. I hate kids. They play basketball in the middle of the street and get in my way when I’m coming home, the fuck up a perfectly good diner I’m having with their choking, spitting, crying and whining, and lastly, they ask too many goddamn questions. “Why” this and “why” that. Ill tell you why you little shit, cause your stupid. Your brain hasn’t developed yet and until it does, if it EVER does, you’re going to be not much smarter than a drink coaster. And a note to parents, I do not want to talk to, listen to, hold, play with, or watch your kid. Nor do I want to listen to you ramble on about how smart your kid is, or how special. I don’t care. You and your stupid kid need to bond with a little family entertainment like yard darts! Hopefully one of you will walk away with a missing eye or maybe brain damage. Either way, you’re increasing the odds of me getting a better job. Back to the point. Stupid kids got hurt and now they are banned. I think that sucks. If kids are killing each other with yard darts that’s a sure sign that they were not going to make it very far in life anyway. Let nature take its course people! All the kids on my block are getting a set for Christmas or Chanukah. A year from now it wont be 5 on 5 games on my street, it will be more like 3 on 3. Why toss a dart at your friend in the first place? And why stand that damn close to the target? That right there just shows how stupid kids really are! Take the fucking darts and do what all the other kids are doing and throw them at the stray cats and dogs in the neighborhood. When you get tired of that try launching them at traffic driving down the street. Next time you’re at a garage sale look for you a set, there are still some sets floating around somewhere. Exercise your right to live dangerously. Long live yard darts, a part of our American heritage. |
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September 20 |
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My head hurts from The Wade Robson Project, another MTV masterpiece. |
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Sorry all you fans out there…well, I don’t have fans, but sorry anyway because I have to take a break from the Official Hung Over Harry’s Guide to Women for a second to address something I found the other day on MTV. We all know that MTV puts out some of the worst bullshit on the face of the Earth but now they have sunk to all new lows. From the 35 seconds that I watched of this program I gather it’s about this homo named Wade Robson, and he is a dancing maniac. He has “dance contests” where people dance and dance and dance until they are crowned “King Dancing Faggot Dipshit.” I guess…not really sure what happens actually, but I bet that’s close. Back to my point. Who in the hell really watches this piece of dog shit? Aspiring dancers wanting tips to make it big? Even the MTV generation mind fucked zombies cannot really like this show. You might think that I am overreacting but take some time out and give this show a shot and after waking up from a stupidity-induced coma, try to resist the urge to mail bomb this fucker. I have made a quick list of things that id rather be forced to watch than this show.
I know some of you are probably thinking, “He is rich, he doesn’t give a shit what you think.” Well, good, I can care less. He knows his show sucks, MTV knows his show sucks, and after watching it, you’ll know his show sucks, and all the money in the world wont change it. Look at Mr.
Cool----> | |
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How the fuck can he even see?
